just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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