I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
