Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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