So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize