no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
