thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
