yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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