I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
