Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Randomize
