i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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