It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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