I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
