Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
no you cant smoke seaweed
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize