Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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