I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
