I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
