How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize