i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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