I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
