can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
