Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize