My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
