Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
