i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
