You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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