is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
