put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
