he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
