Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
