She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
