he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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