It's Friday. Sex?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
