i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
