yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
