Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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