nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize