I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
