i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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