May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
