i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
high people should be assigned attendants
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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