So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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