closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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