no, he came in my armpit
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
