Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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