I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He shit in the fireplace
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
