And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
