you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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