The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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