I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
