She announced her abortion via fbk
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Your cock deserves a montage
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize