I wish I could teleport
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
