it hurts more in the daytime
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
