I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
