It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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