I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
