you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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