Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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