Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
