I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
