"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
