Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
