Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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