dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
