Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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