I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Houston, we have a blender
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
