So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize