The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize