you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
