If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
