I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
