Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
