Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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