I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
