i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
