Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
