why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
