so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
