i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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