He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
