um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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