He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize