I want to walk on stilts...naked
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
