just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We're too hungover to prance.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
