It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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