so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
