I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize