well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
