The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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