his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
