well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
