So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
