We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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