There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
