I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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