You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
