My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
