I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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