i permit you to call me
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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