Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
