Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
