Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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