Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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