Where is the hickey?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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