God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
