I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
