We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize