This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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