My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
