oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
