Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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