i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize