I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize