If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
