My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
