she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
