"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
