that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
