This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
