Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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