after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
