I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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