Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
