i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
