The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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