A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
