I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
