I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i out mim tonsoeep
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