I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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