I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
